They tell you a lot about damaged people. About how you shouldn’t romanticize pain and heartbreaks. How loneliness and betrayal are the worst things to endure. But I will stick to my end of it. There’s beauty in destruction. Painted melancholy has an undeniable rhythm to it. No one can go unscathed, no one can outrun it. We all crumble into a rubble in a manner so alluring, it is breathtaking. It is in those wreckage that we find ourselves, entangled in our very bones. In your own eyes, you see the sweet release of life and this chaos will make sense again.
And now that you look back, you got out of it. It doesn’t seem so intense anymore. And not once do you tell yourself, “well done, you! ” Maybe you think that you had to, maybe it was nothing, maybe you didn’t know how to handle it, maybe time played it’s role. Or maybe it was intense, you did in fact struggle, fought back, held those tears, went out and met people, let go and did a commendable job for yourself. Maybe you weren’t doing it on purpose, you actually went through thunderstorm and the reasons may seem meagre. But they were real then as they are now, only that you’ve gotten out of it.
Existence can become severe in just one day, sense me and I’ll be there. Tell me where it hurts and I’ll kiss you until you’re numb. When you are bleeding out, and your hope is shredded in doubt, call out to me and I’ll whisk you from your misery. If pain suffocates you, drown me in your pain and I will fill your lungs with my breath. Show me where it hurts, bathe me in your tears and to me, confess all your fears. Tell me when you want me and know for sure I’ll come. Don’t hide behind your smile, I’ll see right through. Don’t lie, come and hide in me. I’ll wrap you in all of me and all of me will keep you safe and sound.
No, of course not.
I AM FINE.
I am just busy… sitting. I have a lot of sitting to do.
Day 1: I’ll write at least 500 words today.
Day 2: I’ll write at least 250 words today.
Day 3: I’ll write today.
Day 4: I’ll write.
Day 5: Shut up, voices in my head. I can still write.
I should just talk to myself to find another passion because I am such a lousy writer anyway.
Nobody reads anymore. Why was I born into this cruel world?
I suck at life.
Another article. Damn, it’s beautifully written. This son of a…
It’s not my fault. It was God’s fault. This is clearly manufacturing defect. It has to be.
Another beautiful article. Damn you. Maybe I should write to you about how rude and disrespectful you are being.
I will just write. I can’t give this up.
I just need to put one thing up. One thing and then it will flow.
Someone please break my heart.
Damn it, it’s been so long. What do I write about?
1.What does depression feel like?
Imagine you are trying to wade through water and this water is inside a black hole that starts at the centre of your chest and spreads through your body. And all of this goes on inside your head. Darker than grief, an implosion of self. Describing it is difficult. But this I will assure you, it is a terrifying place.
2. But isn’t this just in your head? Why don’t you stop thinking about it?
If I could stop thinking about it, it won’t be a problem, would it? The fact that I can’t is the problem. It is not a choice we make. Why something affects someone so much, your guess is as good as anyone’s. None of us have a definite answer to that question. That is what makes it tricky.
3. I am not depressed but I heard the pills pack quite a punch. Any idea where I can get them?
4. How can anyone get into depression because of such a silly problem? (OR) How can he/ she be depressed all of a sudden? They were fine till last week.
Usually, depression is not caused by a single event rather than a set of events. Events that were suppressed, ignored until one day one event pushes one block and it’s a freaking domino. In less than two minutes, you can go from fabulous to please-let-me-die. Or maybe it is just that one problem. They don’t choose to let it affect them. It just does. Don’t try to judge what another person is feeling based on what you feel about the issue.
5. You survived depression. Can you tell me how so I can too?
You could be sad, you could be bipolar, your depression could be major, chronic, dysthymia, atypical or the million other things. You need a professional. If you have temperature, would you go to the doctor or ask someone who already had fever what they did or took? Exactly.
6. Why do people on meds act cray cray sometimes?
The tablets are not just prescribed to anyone but to those who need it badly. So, chances are this person who is acting cray cray is already going through difficult times and the pills are messing with their head. Leave the cray cray person alone.
7. I’ve never seen this person cry but the shrink says he/ she is depressed. How is this possible?
The fact that they cannot cry when sad could be a symptom of improper mental health. Crying is one way of expression. Some cry, some don’t. We are all wired differently and we all respond differently.
8. But still, how is sadness even a real sickness? Isn’t that an emotion or something?
Sickness does not necessarily mean physical pain or disease. If sickness needs to be necessarily fatal to be convincing enough for you, over 50 percent of all people who die by suicide suffer from major depression. If one includes alcoholics who are depressed, this figure rises to over 75 percent. These statistics are worse than most “real” diseases.
9. My loved one was going through depression but they say they are fine. I can feel them slipping in and out of it time to time. What is going on?
Unlike physical sickness, the recovery is gradual. A person does not get better overnight. If the person says they are getting better, chances are, they are. Just give them time. All the time they need.
10. What happens when a depressed person meets a psychiatrist? They just talk, right? I can talk quite well. Maybe I should talk to them myself.
Making a depressed person open up is complicated. Forgive me for being corny, but you make them confront their demons, you are basically making them start a war with themselves. This could go either way. One wrong step could make them worse. A psychiatrist studies and is trained to help people. Unless you want to take a risk at making a sick person worse, you should just back off and let the doctors do their jobs.
11. My loved one is showing symptoms of depression. When I asked him/ her, he/ she said that they are fine.
Maybe they are. But chances are, they are in denial. They are sick and they do not know they are sick. They could know they are sick but not want to take help because mental sickness ultimately translates to ‘retarded’ in our society. Or maybe they are well informed, but they are too scared to face what is to come when the fight begins. All of these are possibilities. That is the problem. You won’t know. The person may not know. Hell, it may take time for a psychiatrist to know.
12. They spoke clearly when they say they were depressed. How can some whose head is messed up speak so clearly?
You, my dear, are poorly informed. This all goes back to us thinking that anything psychological means retarded.If they are going through depression, their head is not in the right place. It means they are not thinking clearly. Why would they not speak clearly? They are not speech impaired (If that is even a term) They are depressed. Use your common sense.
13. My loved one is going through depression and it hurts me. What can I do to help them?
This, I believe, is what the person needs. Not actions but just the willingness to do something to make them feel better. Face it, there is not a lot you can do for them. Be there for them if and when they reach out to you. If they don’t, let them be. Not suffocating them too is an option. Not making things more difficult that they already are is a great help.
As a woman in a marriageable age, you have to be careful and cautious. Here are a few important rules that will help get kick started on your life goal to be a good wife.
It is not an option to when it comes to bringing your hymen to the table (bed, to be literal) in a marriage. The thin layer of skin is not yours just because it is in your body. Don’t act like you own your body. Your husband does. You owe it to him. And in an unfortunate case you are born without a hymen or you just happen to lose it, cut yourself and bleed a little into the sheets. Whatever happens, on your first night, there has to be blood on the sheets. Your true worth as a woman is in convincing your husband you are pure and that you are untouched.
If a man picks up his dirty plate, or even washes his underwear, you might as well just hang yourself because you are a disgrace. Disgrace to the mother that raised you, your father that paid him so he would let you be his wife. Never let a man do the household chores. It is your duty. Just because both of you are human beings does not mean you are allowed to treat your man as if you are both equal. He is superior.
If your husband is kind enough to let you work, do not take advantage of this generosity. Wake up early, cook the meals, clean his house, go to work and when you come back, do not complain of being tired. Be responsible. The minute he steps in, make sure you serve him hot coffee, press his legs and serve him dinner. The women that share household chores with their husbands were raised wrong. Do you want the world to think your parents are horrible people? After all the money they paid so you could marry him? Don’t do that to them.
When all your duties are attended to, you may go to bed. Don’t be silly, woman. You cannot sleep- not if your husband wants intercourse. If you don’t comply, he is going to have an affair. And that would not be his fault but yours because men have needs, unlike women. It doesn’t matter if you have slaved away the entire day, lay on your back and be a good wife. It is your duty.
One day, he will stop using protection. This means he is ready for a child. Are you ready? I was only kidding, that doesn’t matter. You pull yourself together and be ready for little human beings who are completely your responsibility. If he wants a baby, you shall give it to him. A girl if he wants a girl, a boy if he wants a boy. If you get it wrong, shame on you. It’s all your sins in the past life, not biology. Do not use science as an excuse. Just try again and this time, do it right. Remember, the purpose of your birth is so you can give birth and watch your children give birth.
Also, make sure you are not distracted by things like passion, dreams or love and you’ll do great. I hope these help you. Happy married life!
DISCLAIMER: The target of the article is to criticise the stereotypes, not men. I say this very proudly that it was a man that requested I write this article. I do not blame men for the inequality. I do not blame men for the stereotypes. I am a feminist and I am NOT anti- men or anti- family. I am only anti- stupidity.
An usual day, chilling with the girls, a friend picked up the magazine and swung it across the table. All beauty magazines exist to make you feel ugly, she said. And surprisingly got a lot of nods and giggles. I picked it up and for the first time, flipped through a fashion and beauty magazine. These are the few things that got my attention. Let’s go ranking wise. Stupidest of all. There was an article on how applying make- up correctly can make your nose look like that of Kareena Kapoor’s or your cheeks look like Katrina Kaif’s. Then there were articles on how a particular product can make your skin look fairer instantly. And articles on how insecure women started feeling sexy after consuming their product which made them lose weight. This one made me nauseous- It was a column, and a mother had written asking if she should consider surgery for her eight year old obese daughter. Chill out, you read that right. It’s not in your head. Yes, eight years old. I noticed how the whole magazine was screaming to its readers telling them how they could be this and how they could be that. It was convincing them that they weren’t good enough and they could be only if they lost a few kilograms or increased their skin tone by a few shades. The marketing strategy of these “beauty” products is to basically implant in the heads of their readers, their idea of perfect. Affect the self esteem, because apparently, the features and the skin one was born with isn’t good enough. And by telling them their products can do magic. I wasn’t going to stop there. I went online and these are the things I found. Fairness creams for underarms, fairness creams for vagina (Yes, I am serious), balms that can make your lips kissable and whole bunch of nonsense for products. It makes me profoundly sad, how women try to fit into what the magazine covers think is perfect. Who is to define perfect for you? Like those extra kgs? Keep them. Like being slender? Be. Just as long as you are healthy. Flaunt your skin. Flaunt your features. Don’t let them make you feel low for something you were born with. You define perfect for yourself. It is as simple as this: Your body, your rules.
Because, anorexia and complexion complex, is a disease, not a fashion statement.